How do I feel about Attack of the Clones? As I walked out of the theater last night, I was underwhelmed...saddened...depressed. I knew everything about the movie before I saw it. The movie felt disjointed and haphazard. I was considering, "Maybe it doesn't work, maybe it is not very good." It felt a little like I was trying to watch two movies playing at the same time on television, and I was jumping back and forth between them.

After watching Episode II for the second time, I feel better about it. I poisoned my own Star Wars experience, and I think that really depressed me coming out of it the first time. Without the pressure of seeing it for the first time, I was able to enjoy it more. Here are my likes and dislikes and rules for Episode II.

Likes

• The music. I think the score is very good and he references the old music in all the right places.

• Padme's new dress code; tight and/or revealing.

• Anakin's anger. When Obi-Wan down talks him in front of the council, and Padme down talks him in front of the Naboo royalty, he is brimming over with frustration. I see him wanting to scream, "I am the fucking Chosen One!! I bring balance, dammit!" He thinks everyone has forgotten how powerful he is, and he wants to prove it.

• The slaughter of the Tuskens. That is good stuff.

• The new Obi-Wan. His character is more interesting and plays very well off of his portrayal in Episode I.

• The last half hour, but I have problems with certain aspects of it.

• Yoda's entrance. He has got style. No other Jedi has summoned their saber from their belt.

• That the Jedi council is blinded by their arrogance.

• That Jar Jar Binks is single-handedly responsible for creating the Empire. His destiny is secure. When he figures this out, he might suicide.

• That Anakin loses most of his arm, and it is replaced by a hideous Terminator-exoskeleton arm. He is on his way to becoming full on Vader.

• That last shot of Boba Fett...perfect.

• The banter between Obi-Wan and Anakin.

• The clones. They look pretty cool, and they carry big guns.

• Missiles in Star Wars. Where has this idea been?

• That the entire movie plays out exactly how Sidious wanted. Think of it, 10 years ago he gets the Trade Fed to quarantine Naboo and convinces them of the problems in the Republic. This idea spreads, and all the troubled systems run to Count Dooku to lead them. Count Dooku has recently joined the Sith and is known as Darth Tyrannus. Tyrannus recruits Jango Fett and the mysterious Sifo Dyas (Sidious?) starts to create a clone army, but there is no need for it...yet. So, just when the clone army is ready, Dooku starts the assassination plot on Padme, either to actually kill her and get her out of the way, or to help draw Anakin out for Sidious. Now that Dooku has the opposition ready, the clone army is revealed and the Jedi have no choice but to hand the reins to Palpatine. So Dooku and Palpatine create two armies over the course of ten years specifically to start a war with each other that neither wants to win. This is all done to give Palpatine political power. So when Dooku says, "How did the Jedi get an army so fast?" he is totally lying. I love the way he lies to Obi-Wan by telling him the truth about Sidious...brilliant.

Dislikes

• Some of the dialogue is a little thin, especially in the lovey scenes. All you have to do is buy into it, though, and it doesn't seem so bad.

• Even though I do like the battle scenes at the end, it is awfully hard to see what is going on. I mean, they aren't trying to stop the walkers, or destroy the deathstar, they are just killing everything. So you see a lot of explosions and impressive visuals, but watching it I was like, "Are we winning? I don't know...I see stuff blowing up." What is the objective?

• The saber fights at the end are too damn short, and I don't like the close ups. I know that Christopher Lee is not as spry as Hayden, but I'm sure he could have done a little more of his own stuff so they could get the wide shots. It is just a different artistic choice for the fight. I still like it, but I want to see more of it. I kept hearing about how each Jedi had a different style for fighting, but you don't see enough of any of them to see it. Anakin's looks flashy, but aggressive, Mace Windu's is efficient and lethal, but I only know this from supplemental reading. Show me something.

• The editing. Instead of dissolving to show the passage of time, Lucas wipes or cuts. So, it feels like we are just jumping around, hence the feeling that the movie is disjointed. A few dissolves in there and it would feel a little smoother, I think.

• R2-D2 flying...enough said.

• C-3PO speaking. The I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up joke was horribly misplaced.

• "Die you Jedi dogs!" See above...

OK, so these are kind of nitpicking things. Overall, I DO like the movie, and I do think it furthers the story. I am looking forward to the next one, and I will see this one a few more times in the theater. I am angry at myself for ruining this experience, so here is my new mantra...you can say it with me:

SPOILER FREE FOR EPISODE III

SPOILER FREE FOR EPISODE III

SPOILER FREE FOR EPISODE III

This is a terrifying concept for me. This means when the picture of Anakin from Episode III hits the internet, I can't click on it. I may not even watch the trailers, we'll see how it goes. What this means to you is, don't send me things about Episode III. Aside from the announcement of the title and the posters, I'm going to try to resist all the information. So don't send me anything...nothing...no pictures, no script pieces, no rumors, no ideas, nothing. I want to go into Episode III with the same knowledge that I have sitting here typing this. I want to be amazed by new imagery from start to finish. This is the last one, folks. No more new Star Wars after this. I'm going to make the most of the experience.

Disagree? Send me an email, or start a flame war in the forums.