Why I hate

Apocalypse Now: Redux

I'm an enormous fan of Apocalypse Now.  The first time I saw it, I was blown away.  I've since screened it on several occasions, and each time I see it, I enjoy it more and more.  When I was living in line for tickets to Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, the last night we were there I organized a screening of the Air Cavalry helicopter attack scene projected onto the side of the theater outdoors at 2:00am using the local radio station's speakers for sound.  It was a glorious moment, and I believe that the people living in those apartments across the street from the theater looked out their windows to see what was going on and truly thought that a squadron of hueys was coming over the top of the theater to lay waste to their neighborhood.

When it was announced that the Redux version was going to be released in theaters, I was very excited.  I've always been of the opinion that Apocalypse Now cannot be too long.  However, despite being a huge fan, I did not see it in the theater.  It is something that has always troubled me.  Why didn't I see Redux in the theater?  When the opportunity to see Apocalypse Now at the Arclight arrived, I jumped at it.  I did not know until we got there that it was the Redux version, but when I found out I figured I'd finally be able to lay down my cross having seen it in a theater.  Now that I've seen Apocalypse Now: Redux, I know what kept me away.  The idea that the movie could be made any better was just not comprehensible, and my subconscious kept me clear of it.  In short, I hated it.

Why did I hate it?  Several reasons.  First off, I love the Kilgore character.  In the original version, your last impression of him is the famous "I love the smell of napalm in the morning," speech.  I absolutely love the way he says, "You know...some day this war's going to end," because it is as close to tears as that character will ever get.  The end of the war is the worst thing that could happen to him.  However, in the Redux version, Willard steals his surf board, so the last impression of him is his voice over a loud speaker practically begging for his board back.  That is not how I want to leave that character in the movie.  Willard says about Kilgore: "He was one of those guys that had that weird light around him. You just knew he wasn't going to get so much as a scratch here."  Except for some asshole stealing his surfboard...yeah...except for that.  Terrible.

Secondly, the French Plantation scene.  It takes place after the bridge where Willard says something about the bridge being the last American post on the river, and after that there was only Kurtz.  Well, in the Redux version before the Kurtz compound is this French plantation, and that scene is absolutely horrible.  If not for Martin Sheen, I would've thought they'd put the wrong reel in the film, and even with him in there I wasn't so sure.  I understand that the French scene has a lot of exposition and parallel with the American position in Vietnam, but that scene doesn't only bring the movie to a screeching halt right when you're ready for Kurtz, it crashes it into a different movie that totally sucks!  Terrible!

Once I got to Kurtz, I thought, "Surely there is now way to screw this up."  Once again, I was dead wrong.  In Redux, there is a scene added where Kurtz is reading to Willard from Time magazine in afternoon sun...in full light...surrounded by children.  This comes right after he decapitates Chef!  He's reading from Time magazine and sounds completely docile and coherent.  It completely ruins the Kurtz character.  Every other scene he's in, his dialogue has an edge of dark poetry to it, and he is always emerging from the shadows just enough to give you a hint of his shape.  But here he is sitting in full sunlight, completely revealed reading the most banal political tripe straight out of fucking Time magazine.  Terrible!!!!

So, I will never again watch Apocalypse Now: Redux, nor will I even acknowledge its existence.  As far as I'm concerned, it's worse than fan fiction.